So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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