Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
