If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize