I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
