his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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