if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
