Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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