Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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