The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
