I CAN MOONWALK!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
