Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize