I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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