brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
