just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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