it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
