so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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