I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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