I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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