I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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