I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
