So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Boobs speak an international language.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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