I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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