He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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