Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
