guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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