Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
