Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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