I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
