just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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