dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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