It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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