im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
