Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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