I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
