I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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