I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
