The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
