Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
