OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
