Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
