God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
