Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And then he peed in my hair
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