I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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