i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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