Me too!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
