i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Randomize
