Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
