saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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