dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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