so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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