Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
