Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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