you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
