you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
