Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I sprained my soul last night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Text me some of your sweat
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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