on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
