And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
