i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
