I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
