I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
