I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
