okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
