you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
