dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just google imaged poop.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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