I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
