i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
