FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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