mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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