I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..