omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night