paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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