i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
