Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry about my life...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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