wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
