when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
