i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
