Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
