There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
