On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
