I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
